The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
