you're like a bully in the Christmas story
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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