when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
