I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
