Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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