I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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