So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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