my soul wont recognize me after tonight
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
