I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
