Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
