I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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