I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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