What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
