Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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