My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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