Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
