At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
