the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
