I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
