we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
