Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
