i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
