His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
