that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
