Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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