I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
