You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
