Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
