he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
