R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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