i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
