walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dignity is for republicans.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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