Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
