dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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