no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
