I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
