She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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