we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
