Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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