Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
