just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
