McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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