Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
