i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
