Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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