the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
