sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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