just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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