I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
