Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
