I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
