Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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