Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
