Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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