I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
