I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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